So my resolution to blog every day for a year fell apart, obviously.
I've felt more scattered than usual, and have just been doing what I can
to keep it together and move forward. It's hard. But life is hard. Not
just for me, for all of us, and there is nothing I have to do that
everyone doesn't have to do. That's what I keep telling myself. Buck up,
carry on, keep going. Keep exercising, keep eating right, stay
positive. Don't give in to fear, don't dwell on the worst possible
things that could happen. Worrying never prevented anything, and worry
never fixed anything, so it's pointless. Take one action, just do one
thing. Practice gratitude.
I know things will get better. They always do. And then something else happens. And then things get better again. It's life. We do what we can and we let it go, what we can't control, or drive ourselves crazy trying. Winter is always the hardest time of the year for me to stay positive. I really suffer with seasonal affective disorder. I lose motivation, I hibernate, I procrastinate. I fight it by forcing myself to attend social events, which really does help while I'm doing it, but I'm also aware that the time I spend having fun is not really getting me anywhere. So then I come home and instantly feel bad again. I do know that I am not the only one who feels this way, which helps a little. I just really really want to get on my bike and ride by the lake and smell the flowers and feel the sun on my skin. Spring cannot come soon enough.
I took a long walk on one of the fairly nice days, after our major 16+" snowfall/blizzard over the holidays. Two miles exactly, according to Google mapping. I took pictures along the way, which appeared symbolic of my current sad, scared, lost and confused inner state of being. So here we go.
I know things will get better. They always do. And then something else happens. And then things get better again. It's life. We do what we can and we let it go, what we can't control, or drive ourselves crazy trying. Winter is always the hardest time of the year for me to stay positive. I really suffer with seasonal affective disorder. I lose motivation, I hibernate, I procrastinate. I fight it by forcing myself to attend social events, which really does help while I'm doing it, but I'm also aware that the time I spend having fun is not really getting me anywhere. So then I come home and instantly feel bad again. I do know that I am not the only one who feels this way, which helps a little. I just really really want to get on my bike and ride by the lake and smell the flowers and feel the sun on my skin. Spring cannot come soon enough.
I took a long walk on one of the fairly nice days, after our major 16+" snowfall/blizzard over the holidays. Two miles exactly, according to Google mapping. I took pictures along the way, which appeared symbolic of my current sad, scared, lost and confused inner state of being. So here we go.
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| 21 years old, and he died this fall with his bike under the wheels of a car, a block from my front door. |
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| Questions, endings, advising arrows reflect my internal conflict over which way to go now. |
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