Mid morning musings

 The great thing about about a gray, snowy/rainy/sleety day is that it mostly hides the view of the factory from my front window. The city is quieter, not as many cars on the road. Plus, ever since I was a child, I have always wished for snow on my birthday. A fresh clean coat of white on the world. Usually, I got it, and lots of it. More than enough to scoop up and bring into the house in a cup, pour some grape Hi-C over it, and have a real snow cone. That was one of the joys back then.

I only bring that up because tomorrow is my birthday. It's a big one. But I'll be celebrating small. My daughter offered to make a big deal of it, have a big party, but meh. It's the wrong season for a big party. No one is in the mood, including me. It's just another number, anyway, and it's not one I like looking at. I opted for a sushi dinner out with my daughter and my best friend instead, and that sounds just perfect to me. Next weekend, I'll go to see my friend perform at a comedy club. I like to have a month of birthday rather than just one day, with little celebrations here and there. I always gave my kids a birthday month, with many surprises on various days. I used to have the money to do that. Trips to Disneyland, Disney World, Busch Gardens, Great America. Now they are grown, and I am broke, and they don't want anything much for their birthdays. They are both doing very well and they do so much more for me than I can do for them right now. I guess that's fair, but I still wish we were all doing well. Sometimes I feel like I never will be again. A hard thing to accept. That's where gratitude comes in. Things could always be worse. I am healthy, fit, I have a home, clothing, food, friends, fun times. I've learned a million ways to economize and still have the things I like in my life. 

Today I received an order of fragrance oils, and I'm going to try them out by adding a bit to the melted wax on the top of candles I've made. I got violet (of course), lily and lilac, peaches and cream, and jasmine scents. They smell good in the bottle, but I have to try them out to be sure.

At my former job, we went through tons and tons of pillar candles and tea light candles. They just threw them away, often with a lot of wax left in them. So I kept them, took them home, melted them down, scrubbed out the glass pillars and made new candles. I can't stand wastefulness. You would think a yoga studio would have more green sensibility. Do they ever think about the mountain of garbage in landfills in this world? Well, that was just one of the disappointing things about that studio, among the many non-yogic attitudes and actions that really bothered me. It's a shame. I put up with it as long as I could, tried to be a positive example, and in any case I took many good things with me when I left, metaphorically and tangible things. I'm focusing on those, and letting the rest go. So my remade candles aren't perfect, I am learning as I go. One thing I have definitely learned is the value of wired wicks. I'll use up the plain wicks I bought, but next time I'll definitely go for those. Without wire, the wax melts unevenly and the wick flops over and becomes embedded in the melted wax.

 

The picture in the background was painted for me by my wonderful grandmother, Charlotte Lorraine, when I was a baby. It hung on my bedroom wall when I was a child, then at some point it got stored away for many years. Badly stored by my mother, who is a heavy smoker and doesn't take good care of anything that matters. It's quite damaged and had to have layers of tobacco smoke grime scrubbed off it (thank goodness it's oil paint), but I had it professionally framed after cleaning and it now gets the daily love and appreciation it so deserves. The angel on the corner was also among her possessions that I acquired when she passed away. I treasure them all more than anything.

Over the past month or so, I've gotten back into my winter habit of growing tons of sprouts in jars. And now, as usual, I've grown so much that I'm sick of them. But here's a bunch on top of an open face tuna melt sandwich. They really are nutritional powerhouses, and very tasty. This is a blend of red clover, broccoli and radish sprouts. It's so easy and cheap to do, and you get tons of antioxidants and vitamins without dragging home sacks of heavy fruits and vegetables. When you have to drag them up the stairs to your apartment, that becomes an issue. One of the many times I miss my son.